i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
