We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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