I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Randomize
