i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
