Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
