Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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