thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
