They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
