On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
