Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I see more hoeing in ur future
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
