After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
