I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
