His pubic hair was longer than his dick
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
