they need to just BURY HIM!
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
