She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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