Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
