I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
This is classic penis vs brain.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Randomize
