I hate your face
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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