Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I could make wine with my vomit
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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