It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
did you just send me my own nude
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
