i barfeds in our rink
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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