I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
