I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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