I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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