How'd it feel making her break her religion?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
