wanna go halves on a baby?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
