Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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