it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
