i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
