I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
