my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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