Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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