If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
