I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
