tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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