Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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