she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Randomize
