I'm drive I can fine osifer
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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