so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
