We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
