I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
