Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
