Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
