I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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