apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
lets start a swedish sibling band together
this boner is exhausting
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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