i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
