Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
