K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
