I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
