When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Houston, we have a blender
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
